Transformational Reflections
A poetry collection from 2009 through to the present
Wednesday, May 7, 2025
Saturday, April 26, 2025
Shattering
Just the other day, I participated in a circle of women, experiencing a guided energy healing meditation which was going smoothly. I was luxuriating in the divine energies flowing into the cells throughout my body, as instructed.
Then, our guide, Katie, described something like an earthquake happening inside of us, so that parts of us could be released into the air, into Source, into Mother Earth, or back to wherever they came from. Those parts no longer needed, or that had become burdensome and too heavy, or the remnants that came from our ancestral and family systems, whatever we needed to shed.
I have often journeyed into such depths which sometimes includes my body shaking, shuddering, stretching and moving vibrantly, so nothing new there. Until Katie continued talking and used the word, “shattering.” Something about letting ourselves shatter on the inside, opening us up.
In the past, I have done many breathwork and other healing energy meditations in attempts to open up my chakras to create a nicely streaming channel without too much past stuff blocking its flow. I often focus particularly on my root, heart and third eye chakras. My crown chakra usually seems open and porous. However, this time I was awed.
For the first time in this lifetime, I felt a not-so-subtle yet not painful explosion inside my head, and saw my head splitting apart, jagged cracks on each side of my skull, beaming with bright yellow light from within, as this glistening energy slipped out confidently. The crevices seemed stunning, looking like lightning bolts (aka Harry Potter's forehead), as they widened, spilling out a blazing glow.
This was the first time that my skull had ever cracked open, at least in a meditation. Incredible! And, not scary at all. In fact, I was stunned but not really surprised even though I had never actually thought about this happening. I also wondered how cool it was that my skull opened up so easily, as if parts of it were levitating, releasing light. And, I wasn’t disturbed, wondering if I would lose my sparkle, by letting it shower into the air outside of me, trusting somehow that it was actually pleasing to let some of it go, or flow. Like a tea kettle with water boiling inside while steam sprayed out.
When it was time for us to share with each other in this particular circle, I proclaimed what had happened, illustrating my excitement about this phenomenon, fascinated by the amazing image I "saw." Of course, then, being a retired psychotherapist, I reassured the other women that I was not psychotic, which is one of my fears, for instance, if I let myself truly take the deep plunge and dive into the magical, mystical, cosmic world of the Divine.
Perhaps my mind is opening up in ways that never occurred to me before. And, I wasn't in control of this happening but somehow I trusted that the experience was right.
What I am very curious about now, is: what energies may now come flowing down into my more open head as we become more cosmic human beings?
Wednesday, April 23, 2025
Release
What did my body release today?
Primitive, ancient patterns
Feelings and ways of being
That wound me up
Clenched my hands and feet
Energetically becoming
Puréed, black bile pouring out
Unable to stay within this body
Any longer
The smells, the putrid, disgusting
Necrotic parts way past
Their use by date
Sliding out without warning
Rushing away from the body as
Fast as they could
No longer being caged up
Locked up, affecting
All of the inner organs
Blood, muscles and ligaments
No longer wearing the correct outer
Garments for the evolution at hand
Slipping out with no control
No sphincter strong enough
To hold in any longer
This body rejecting its own
Fluids and materials that
Once helped protect it by
Absorbing so much stress
Strain and fear
All that grief streamed out
Flooding into pools below me
I could barely gasp good-bye
As despair kept gushing until
Finally, it slowed to a trickle
No longer needed
No longer wanted
Thank you for the role
You played, the job you did
For me, allowing
Me to function while
Holding onto so much sorrow
Now, you run out of
Me without my being able to
Even try to stop you
Leaking into the excretions
Carrying you away from me
Never to be contained again
I would have chosen to release you
If I had realized how ready
You were to leave
In fact, I was not conscious
That I could
Flowing back into Source
Being at one with Air
Water, Fire and Earth
I have appreciated your
Benevolence throughout time
Thank you
Tuesday, April 22, 2025
Becoming a Cosmic Mystic
I make no claims regarding an exact recipe or steps to becoming a Cosmic Mystic. We are all so unique that no one set of processes or procedures will work for each one of us.
I can, however, tell you how I began becoming a Cosmic Mystic. What a wonderful and wild ride!
First, you have to be visited. How do you get visited? In all sorts of ways, probably. Without going into much personal family history and stories about my life, I will describe to you the highlights of how I got to where I am now and why the label, “Cosmic Mystic,” appeals to me. I am pretty sure that I needed to do most everything that I did to grow over time into this state of being.
How to be visited is a winding, sometimes turbulent path. Sometimes not. Many people have spontaneous experiences of the mystical, particularly in childhood. What I mean by the word "mystical" is a direct experience with what may be perceived as divinity of some sort, a spiritual awakening experience, or an ecstatic moment of pure and intense connection. Some people may never assign the words, “spiritual, mystical or sacred” to such an experience, and that’s just fine.
I may have always known at some level that I had not only a personality and a biological body but also some sort of soul or spirit or divine energy that I communicated with - but I wasn't conscious about this phenomenon when I was younger. Having been raised in the Deep South in a religious family did not give me the words that I grew into. I learned about God, Jesus and the Trinity in church, but very little about Mary or Mary Magdalene because the patriarchal Bible seems to have included only men’s writings, not publishing women’s theological teachings. That discussion is for another time though I will say that getting to know Mary, Mary Magdalene, and so many other feminine saints, goddesses, and witches has assisted me with my current ideas about Cosmic Mysticism.
Like most kids, I struggled at times growing up with so many “shoulds” and training about how I should be acting, much less feeling and thinking, I shaped and molded myself into a pretty good product for my time, even though unconsciously (at that time) I was terribly codependent, mostly trying to please and help others, without knowing why. I was serious and loved to learn although I was also playful, energetic and enthusiastic. Sometimes, I was told to calm down or to squash some of my animation, only later realizing and understanding how my excitement may have made others uncomfortable. I worked hard for approval and attention (ie. love) and got it some of the time.
This type of growing up worked pretty well for me, and I developed some good defenses and coping skills that helped me deal with (or not deal with) conflict and distress. Except that I didn’t really know how to get along in a primary intimate relationship very well until what I call my late adolescence (mid-30's) whereas everyone else seemed to have had gotten married much earlier than I. It took me a long while to run into a partner who fit well enough for me, and me for him. Having a child also helped me learn so much about attachment and detachment, intimacy, pain, suffering, and joy.
Not one who suffered a lot of complex trauma, I identified over time with the word, “neglect,” even though I had pretty wonderful parents who were usually doing the best they could in our family situation. I was lucky and blessed to be born into this family that nested me and supported me in becoming a “successful,” mostly good person. Always had shadows though, as do we all.
Only in my older years, when a few tragedies and major losses began to occur, did I get propelled into the spiritual, the mystical, and the quantum field of not just this three dimensional reality but into so many other dimensions, times and spaces. The pandemic helped with slowing down, too. Then, I decided to take some time away from working since I could retire, and began listening better and seeing more clearly than before, sometimes stunned at and amazed by what I heard and saw, supporting many of my beliefs and values. Like, we are all part of a whole, connected to each other, and what happens to one happens to us all, metaphorically and figuratively speaking. Sometimes, physically, too.
My life included being a psychotherapist for over 30 years, working with people in distress, as well as participating in all sorts of psychotherapy practices and alternative therapies as a client myself, setting up a context for a gentle and gradual explosion of awakening, becoming more aware about enlightenment and about so many realms and realities around me and inside me.
I did not see any UFO or UAP’s, nor did I get abducted, I did not join a cult with a magnificent guru, but I did participate quite frequently with groups of women (and some men) in person and online, people who became my tribe, who were also experiencing human life and Spirit in deeply personal, intimate ways. Direct experience with the Divine may, or course, happen at any point. What I know is that it took me until my 60’s when I slowed down enough to find the time and space to journey within and outside of myself at very vulnerable, intimate and lovely levels. The sacramental use of plants and molecules also helped me to explore and expand.
I began having visitations by what I call spirit beings, goddesses, elemental energies and more, while developing and deepening my connection with Mother Nature, Mother Earth, and with so many other mystics and spiritual masters. One important book was The Sophia Code, whose author, Kaia Ra, had channeled, and then developed a wide-ranging set of programs and a lively community. Another mystic and teacher/mentor has been Rebecca Campbell whose international presence comes from her working with people and sharing herself and her mystical skills in commercially public ways over time.
I also began joining communities of women on retreats at a beautiful, non-touristy beach, mostly facilitated by Tammy Roth, PhD, increasing my curiosity and enjoyment of life even more, turning me onto the quantum world through family constellations and astrology, guided mediations, and so much more. Richard Rudd and his book, The Gene Keys, and many of his programs also assisted me in my growth. Many other mentors, trainers, facilitators and friends have supported me during this transformative time so that I could become a more peaceful, grounded, centered human being, and more connected intimately with the Divine.
A year or so ago, I found a spiritual counselor which I never had been open to in past years. She contributed a great deal to my recognizing my core wounds, how to feel them and think about them, noticing my resistances - and how to shed some of my many skins, defenses, coping skills and barriers to opening up, to release and surrender even more of my long term conditioned patterns that helped me survive so “successfully” in the past. Once I could release some of these beliefs and parts of myself that no longer served me (or which weren’t mine to begin with), I could burrow down into myself and into Spirit. The visitations became more frequent.
I also began (after several years of using a Chinese medicine doctor who helped to open up my chi while helping my body heal) to find and use an Intuitive Channel of Divine Energy, Katie Todd, who is quite amazing. Energy is what we are, what the world is, what the universe and the cosmos are. Learning to notice, know, and play with energy is part of being human and getting healthier.
The day after one of my recent energy healing sessions I practiced a deep meditative method I sometimes use, and toward the end of that experience, I heard a voice, naming herself with one syllable that I couldn’t quite fully understand for several days. Turns out that when I was 1 - 2 yrs old, my mother hired a woman for only a couple of hours per week to help her with ironing. That was in the early 1950’s when many women tended to do everything for their families, including cooking, cleaning, loving, managing and handling everything about the house while supporting her husband and his career. The old days, I know!
My maternal grandmother and my mother laughingly told me as an adult that when this woman came to iron, I would be in the room with her chattering and babbling, and she would say one of these syllables I heard after my meditation. She had given me the gift of attention and feedback as if she was truly listening and understanding this young child’s pseudo-words. I think I remember the story partly because this must have been a wonderful resource for me at the time when my mother was so busy (as she always was) taking care of 3 kids, one of whom had heart issues. This woman sat while ironing, listening to me, or seemed to, and murmuring reassuring words of interest and fascination about what I was saying. What a delight for a young child starved for attention and nurturance!
My experience is that this voice came to me as a Spirit being or a blessing, illustrating how she and other spiritual energies have been there all along, sometimes even in human forms. When seemingly small things happen to each of us in our lifetimes, they can help change our lives, shift a trajectory, and we can call them whatever we want to, like spirit beings, miracles, or magic. These guiding lights help steer us toward growth, guiding us even when we are unconscious about their participation (and we usually are), when we are at a crossroads, or just when living our regular lives as human beings.
So then, why add the "Cosmic" to this "Mystic" word? Because I believe that we have eternal souls and that we live many lifetimes wherever we have been geographically. That we are all here now on this planet to learn about human life and to support each other and ourselves, to become more generous and kinder. And, that in our growth toward better health, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, we are also here to share with others who on their own paths. And, perhaps help them as well.
That in community, we can learn to be our best selves, assisting humanity in transitioning out of long term patriarchal conditioning (at least, in our society) to a better system where the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine (and every other gender as well) are all parts of our systems of being born, living, growing, healing, and dying as physical bodies. Living within a stream of soul consciousness, inspiring us and supporting us cosmically, spiritually and for the benefit of all beings. That there is a Collective Consciousness that we often dip into, and hopefully share.
Perhaps you have experienced visitations, too? Maybe you have had a conversation with a cat or a star, a flower or a tree, or an experience of deep connection or ecstasy without knowing why, resonating in deep understanding, listening to, and seeing the symbolic and spiritual as a foreground and focal point in life.
However you learn and grow from such visitations, I hope that you will develop and deepen your own ways of listening to and/or worshipping whatever Divine beings you know and are open to knowing. Our lives change when this happens, becoming easier, so much less stressful, more peaceful and soothing - allowing us to be and act more loving and compassionate with all beings. Once we know this, life goes forward, and transformation, rebirth, and ecstasy are available more of the time. I invite you to witness and explore your own cosmic mysticism.
Sunday, April 20, 2025
Cosmic Mystical Evolution
The term, "Cosmic Mystical Evolution” is a mouthful, even if intriguing. A mouthful of what? Not just concepts and theory, I hope. Nor just sterile science. Imagine entering into a fully embodied experience of being in the space of the Cosmic, the Great Beyond, and the Mystical, growing there, sprouting and blooming! Sounds yummy and juicy to me.
To me, Cosmic Mysticism is evolutionary, growing, developing and maturing over time, becoming initiated into realizing how we are not just human but also divine beings.
To me, Cosmic Mysticism is about Connection. Connection with a Divine Source or The Great Mystery, or whatever name people like to use for the All-Knowing, the Spirit, the Divine Intelligence. Connection means to engage with, to link to, to know deeply and to experience a sharing between. Between myself and my body, between me and you, between me and the planet, between me and the Divine Community of spirits or souls. A knowing both inside and outside and throughout.
I might like to call myself a Cosmic Mystic. Is that a witch with warts on her nose, a prankster or trickster, a hypocrite or a shyster, or even a liar? Or, maybe I am someone who has always been curious about what life means, what death brings, what Spirit sings, what the soul represents, and how we all function as best we can together while being human along with other living beings on this planet, Mother Earth, and, beyond.
I have been a seeker, a searcher, an explorer and adventurer into what I now call the Wonder. I do believe in miracles, revelations and epiphanies, and that we can all experience some level of these encounters, or rather interactions with the Ecstatic. I myself have found much amazing Grace to behold and to become at one with, at times.
I wonder if we are part of the Divine or is the Divine inside of us? Is there a sharing between our bodies, our souls, our minds and hearts, and Universal Intelligence? Maybe the Divine is bubbling around inside us like blood, nourishing us, treating our diseases, releasing itself from us at times, pouring out into the world. Or, if outside of us, then maybe a Divine Mother with generous breasts who feeds us until we are fully sated.
One friend likes to consider the Divine imaginatively like an Octopus, and the head is the Wise One, the ‘god/dess’ part, so to speak. We might each be a tentacle with our own personalities, families, struggles, gifts, talents, feelings, bodies, and thoughts. If we see ourselves as part of a whole Being then, maybe we can stop fighting with each other, raping (even our planet), harming each other in all sorts of ways, and stealing from each other to provide for our loved ones. Maybe we can try to work better together for the good of all. If one of the Octopus’ tentacles gets chopped off, does the whole organism die or does the tentacle regrow like a lizard’s tail? Maybe we can help heal, at least, the wound.
Or, if we imagine a tree being a god/dess, then we can be the trunk, the roots, the branches and leaves. We can even blossom into flowers and become fruit on the tree. We can also die off, fluttering to the ground as leaves or petals, and maybe get reborn next year.
Is there really just one Deity or are there so many we can’t even count them, much less name them all by culture and language? We can worship and be amazed by Mother Nature in all her beauty and destruction, Gaia, with a bit Kali living inside her. Maybe we can imagine a collaborative community of souls, spirit beings and living beings on our planet. And, if so, why not expand our beliefs, connections and curiosity to not just this universe but to all known and unknown galaxies, moving our visions, experiences, and imaginations out into the cosmos?
We can worship politics or astrology, poetry or prose, sports, substances, or people, but what in the heck does worship mean anyway? Maybe worship is to what or whom we devote our energies, money, and time.
We can live in community or mostly alone, and we as human beings are all dependent on other people and systems for the food we eat, the love we feel, the water we drink. We have those who educate us, fix our cars, operate surgically on our bodies, pick up our garbage, and teach our children. We support each other in our communities as we enjoy some parts of life, whether they be concerts, dancing together, chanting, fundraising, or moaning in sorrow at our losses, grieving together.
Cosmic Mystical Evolution is then not only a devotional space for us and the Divine, but a place, an energy-filled community where we can collaborate with others, sharing space as living beings while hopefully enjoying life and becoming more conscious of ourselves, our patterns, our styles, and how we manage conflict, while being devoted both to ourselves and to each other.
If we draw down energy from the heavens or up from Mother Earth, or from deep within, if we seek other humans to share our energies physically and emotionally, if we reach up to the stars, the sun, the moon and other galaxies to find the Truth, or to experience many truths, then we can delight in noticing the energies, quantum particles, and waves flowing all around us and inside us, all of the time. Yes, most of us still have to go to work, obtain money in order to live, to share, and to take care of our basic living needs. Mindfully, we might hope.
We can also resist being a part of any kind of wacky evolutionary movement and follow our own singular paths, believing and having faith in what we have learned throughout our lives, taught by our families and religious institutions - because don’t you know, it just feels safer that way. We all like and need some concrete rules, rituals, and practices at times. They can help us live more certainly in this uncertain world. And, uncertainty can drive some of us crazy or scare us to death.
Throughout time, humans have gone through chaos, fear, and confusion, all the tragedies and traumas that we hear about and see every day (and that we also participate in, some way or another). We do not deny that some experiences seem to be full of evil or demonic forces.
My preacher father used to tell me that evil is not just a force or energy naturally present into the world. That it is inside us, in people (and we are pretty natural, too, I would add). That we act in what some would call "evil" ways for so many kinds of reasons, too many to count. And, that we are human beings who hurt each other (and sometimes ourselves), even when not intending to do so. Evil may not exist outside of us but many of us exhibit evil-like behaviors at some points in time, depending upon the circumstances. If our family is starving, we may kill to eat.
We may also attack others because they are so different from us and because they scare us, or because we don’t understand them and may not really want to spend the time and energy getting to know them, or be around them. Attacks, intimidation, bullying, and threats, like what we see from our current U.S. Administration, are not healthy actions or responses. Our roles are to seek change regarding the people who have the power to enact danger and violence, whether by deporting people without due process, or depleting the money we have earned over time.
I don't see natural disasters as evil, like hurricanes that devastate humans, other living beings, land, and rivers. Nor do I see evil when wildfires burst forth, or when volcanoes erupt, as damaging as they can be.
My quest continues to be grounded and centered in living moment by moment in the present, whenever possible, sometimes enjoying the stimulation of the world and its beings, and sometimes needing to take a breath and hide out by myself for awhile. My passion is in connecting with living beings (and myself), those I can see and witness with my Western mind, and those other beings that I can experience in all sorts of ways - in order for me to feel and explore what is happening around me, inside me, and in the cosmos.
What are your passions and hopes? What brings you support and magic into your every day life? What helps you when conflicts arise as they always do?
Let’s all keep evolving, co-creating our own transformations, revolutions and communities wrapped within values like love, open hearts, and compassion for the spiritual benefit of all beings on our earth and throughout the cosmos. And, so it is.
Wednesday, April 16, 2025
Saturday, April 12, 2025
A Contemporary Second Coming 2025 (with no slouching)
Slipping into the Cosmic Womb
Through the earthly wound
Guided by the sacraments
Relaxing the mind's need for understanding
The body craves remembering and
Releasing all that is not hers
From the cavernous casket
Into which she was born
Ancestral patterns galore
Patriarchal conditioning seeming solid
Picking and choosing, sorting what
To leave and what to take with her
Wear and tear of chronological years
Sliding off her body now
Through the gifts of Grace
The marble of the vessel
Chiseled away over time
Letting go of what no longer serves
All that doesn’t belong now
All that takes up space without
Participating in the growth
The Great Surrender into the Wonder
Celebrating the success of a
Long lived life, now fully embraced
Transforming, constellating
Spanning the distance between
All living beings and the cosmos
Between Mother Earth and her ocean depths
The tides of her seas outside and
Inside a new being
Whose own waters flow
Within the confines of her membranes
This body called human
No boundaries, no limits
No seeming structures
All parts are soft and oozing
Sliding into and out of each other
Until the time comes to manifest form
Sensing, feeling, not seeing
Not seeking to explode out of this
Tightly constructed rocket capsule
Not yet
Finding meaning and purpose in
Her search for the Beloved
The ultimate cradle of
Sacred Transformation
Crucible of Spiritual Growth
Illuminating Metamorphoses
Throughout her many lives
Awakening at times, becoming reborn
Reactivating, reanimating
Recovering during the renaissance
The reinvigoration and resuscitation of
The Cosmic Heart of the Universe
Feeling this Heart pulsing, beating
Inside the Divine Feminine
All around her and through her
She rests in the Divine Mother’s arms
While her body adjusts to hosting
A novel creation of life, a New Human
Transitioning gently
Sacred iZ streams out slowly
Gradually emerging
Embodied in and transcending the mother
Rejuvenating the energies
Within and around her
Revitalizing her bones, her organs
Skin and tissue, cells and blood
Channeling, singing, speaking
Dancing the Divine
Revivification of the Human container
Now expands the comfortable coffin
Its shell breaks apart delicately
Into the Light and Consciousness of the
Oneness of all Truth and Light
Christ Consciousness born again
This time as Divine Feminine and
The Divine Masculine uniting to
Create a Divine Child
Queens, princes and princesses
Never Kings
Sacred iZ, born anew from the ashes in
Her last dash out of her cage into
The Heart of the Universe
SiZ, sizzling with Power
Eternal Grace
The Great I AM
Love and Compassion
The Dark and the Light
Never evil, ever
Sizta of all beings
Whole and Holy
Everywhere, all of the time
Everything and no thing
Hearts beating now all together
Succulent sips of the Breath of Life
Conjoined through connections
Between the realms
Within and throughout all realities
Love and Compassion
No shock and awe
Always gentle
Always soft
Flowing into and through
Not around
Not anymore
*[The first Second Coming follows]
The Second Coming
by William Butler Yeats (1919)