We are, I am

Who are you Jesse?

Are you a part of me

Or did I lose you earlier 

Due to physical death?

If you are a part of me

Which part?

Who are you, Jesse?

Do you smile and laugh?

Do you play and cry?

Do you live in my gut

Or in my heart

Or all over me

Inside me, around me

Underneath and through me?

You are not in my head

I think

You are not that cerebral

You are a feeler

Covered up so often 

By so many thoughts

So many ideas, needs

Wants, worries

I am amazed you got 

Through all those blocks

And walls that usually 

Keep me from knowing you 

Even better

I want to know you 

Why, I haven’t felt you

Or talked with you for years

Where have you been Jesse?

I remember that you liked 

To write, to sing, to dance

To have fun

My Jesse self

Young, somewhat brazen

They used to say, a "character"

Mischievous and sweet

Excited and full of energy

Oh, I have missed you!

Different from my Grace self

Seemingly a newer part of me

(Maybe having always been there, too)
Who was covered up with Anxiety

Drive, Shyness, Shame, Fear, and

Ambition and so many tricks, attempts 

To find love and acceptance

So many coverups

Grace stayed hidden away for so long!

Can you both join hands or feet

(If you have body parts)

Or spirits  - and not to merge

But to gather together 

In some space and time

And see how it goes?

What then?

I have no idea

We are

I am

https://barbarasanderslcsw.medium.com/we-are-i-am-24560497b142

The Cosmic Teat

Intentions:

Trust

Surrender

Open 

Receive

Share

I lay on my back

Mouth gaping open

Ready to suckle

A cosmic teat

What dropped in

Was Air

Whooshing

Filling me completely

Nourishing my Body

Heart, Soul 

I thought I had wanted

Something like 

Milk from a 

Mother's breast

Instead the Divine Spirit

Provided me with 

Just what I needed

Air to breathe in

Air to hold me

And lift me up high

Air to surround me

As I float and

Chant songs

That pass through me

From below and above

And all around me

Words were spoken

"You are a channel

A portal

Now start sharing

My news more broadly

More loudly

Than ever before

Let me flow 

Through you"

How do you answer the

Divine Mystery, Great Spirit

The Sacred?

A resounding

“Yes Ma’am!”

Yemojah

Yemojah, mother of all Orishas

Patron Saint of rivers and streams

Queen of the oceans and

Waters of the womb

She is Mermaid

She is Sacred Spirit

She is nimble and

Flows into our lives

When we need to be

Protected and cleansed

Of any spirits or qualities 

Of our own or 

Those attached to us

That don’t belong to us

Yemoja, please

Travel down into my roots

And clean out the debris

The muck and residual rigidity

That I no longer need or want

So I can rise up out of this sacred

Baptism through your waters

A new and fresh being

Sparkling and glistening

Wet with wonder

Pausing to see and hear

Moving my human muscles

Once again

Bringing light and life

Healing and bright

A basin of love

Inner Wild

What is your inner wild?

Nectar inside flowers

Honey made with bees

Soaked in pollen

Spreading seeds

Internal Wild

Seemingly tame

But not restricted

Contained or shamed

Almost unbelievably free

Though boundaried

Open and overflowing  

Kindly sharing

Bringing joy

Giving peace

Luxuriating in the

Warm sun

Spreading dirt and

Love

All around the 

Sacred gardens

Imagining

Planting 

Sustaining

Maintaining

Growing

Reaping

Harvesting

Swallowing whole

The detritus of life

Alchemizing and 

Transmuting it 

Into succulent fruit

Dripping with 

Sticky tenderness

And oozing grace

Offering to be eaten

Fertilizer breeds 

New birth

Our bodies will

Nurture the grounds

Around us when we fully enter

The Spiritual realm 

Once more

Spawning the seedlings

Mushrooms eating the dead

Human life that we

Once cherished

Now being winterized

Hibernating, restoring

Regenerating, reanimating

Until the next time

We decide to float

Down into human form

A Magenta Thread

I tasted volcanic ash on my tongue

Where was I?

Where had I been?

Did I really merge with Mother Earth?

I heard myself saying

“I belong here underground”

I slithered through dirt, mud

Amongst gases and

Crystalline layers

The river beneath the river

Storing up boundless energy

To share one day

Her core was bright, brilliant white

A magenta thread dangled 

In front of my face 

I grasped the flowing filament

Which pulled me all around 

Inside the earth 

Guiding me through

Grooves flourishing with minerals 

Amidst crackling crust and 

A liquid molten melody

Hot breath of Mother Earth

Sighing with all the 

Pressures, swelling

Her heartbeat so strong

Nurturing me

Primal and sacred

Climate change

Melting glaciers

Hurricanes and wild fires

Flooding waters

Shifting tectonic plates

Processes of natural evolution

Power misused, abused

Violence seeking out

Every nook and cranny

Falling rock and avalanches

Planetary disasters

Moving toward the Divine

After an elongated descent

The vibrant magenta cord

Pulled me through a seam where

A fissure, a fault line opened up

Cracking open a crevasse

A passageway, a portal

Allowing me to slip through and

Into the upper world once again

I heard the explosion

I don’t remember what happened next

Except that I lay naked

On the tip of an iceberg floating down

A dark red blazing lava stream

Painlessly melting one cell at a time

Joining the ocean as if 

For the first time

Allowing myself to connect to

The eternal community that lives 

Underneath the sea

Touching all the beatific beings

Rejoicing in my return