Tuesday, February 20, 2024

The Gift of Grace

Seeking and searching

All of my life

Temporarily touching upon

Miracles, death

Rebirth and transformation


Unsettled and restless

Knowing I was missing

Something, I kept exploring

Diving deeply into the oceans

Of Grief, Love, Trauma and such


Spirit guides became possible

Majestic resources for support

The Knowing quantum field

There for the asking 

Just breathe in and out

And notice


The merry-go-round of practices

Healing arts, mystical and spiritual

Methods and techniques

Breathing through and

Burning out from the inside

Surrendering, letting go of

So much that is human


Plants and molecules assisted

Opening up to the expanses of

Wonder and the universe 

The cosmos and being Beloved

Truly feeling unconditionally loved

Finding less to worry about

Diminished anxiety and

Oh so subtly opening up 

To new life

To new ways of being


Contemplating full surrender

Releasing resistances

Learning trust little by little

Letting the ego dissolve

For enough moments to

Relax in the arms and womb of

The Divine Mother

(She on the outside 

Me on the inside)


Consulting with experts

Spending gobs of money

Time and energy

To find The Truth, the Way

The merging between soul

Body and Spirit

Almost there


Suddenly, one day upon awaking

I heard the words I had been hearing

For a few years now:

“We got this, We have you

We have them too.”

As if to say, "you don’t need 

To take care of people anymore

Not your job, our job

Relax and breathe"

What a delight as usual


Then, the words shifted

Offering more clarity than ever before

Instead of those spirit guides

Or Divine Mother

Above my head, independent from me

Looking down upon me and saying

"We got you, we got them too"

They said, “We ARE You. 

You are Love.”


Simultaneous belief and certainty

Wide and wild 

Crystallized gaping awareness

Release of all tension and

Constriction

My heart blew open

My body relaxed

Finally knowing what I have 

Never known before


I am Love

There are no separate entities

Disembodied beings 

Teachers, masters, stars

They are us and we are they

All living in love together

No more duality, just We


As that amazing Gift of Grace

Broke through clearly

I proceeded into my day

Into my physical life

With a new kind of energy

A new kind of trust

Than I have ever 

Experienced before


This miracle happened

This oracle arrived and entered

At the right time

Grace lifted me up

And we will never be

Separate again


(You are Love, too)

Friday, February 9, 2024

Lizard Brain

Some lizards are perfectly adorable creatures

Some tiny, some large

Reptiles with scales, cold blood

And instant power

Much like dragons

(Chameleons are a type of lizard)


Psychologists use the word lizard 

In an incredibly pejorative way

To describe a part of us

That may be beastly:

Lizard brain


If the reactive, primitive part of our brains

Just causes problems instead of being

Highly informative and

Desperately important

Can we just listen

To their messages

Much like we can tune 

Into our gut

For alignment

And fittingness?


Quick like lightning, surely our reactivity 

Can get us into trouble but

That doesn’t mean that this part of our brains

Is infantile, unmanageable, wild

Or always societally inappropriate


Besides being nimble

Lizards can also be quite still and protective

Survival is key for them and for us

We like lizards, aren't always

Rapid-firing or "too" emotional

So what if we are?


Lizards can grow back their own tails

If need be

So can we


Lizard brain may mean that we are

Innately and instinctively

Clued into our environments as if we have 

Another sense, just like taste or smell,

Sight or hearing, touch


We react because we know intuitively 

Being instructed and energized

We can embrace this dynamic

Part of ourselves and put to rest


The idea that we are so very controlled 

By a reptilian place inside us 

And, if we are, then why not allow our 

Lizardly selves to thrive, fully alive?

Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Cave Wanders

Once upon a time, I was wandering through the world, and I came upon a cave opening high up on a hill. Walking into the cave I noticed the earthen floor to my left, and a small, calm river ran through the cave to the right. I stood for a moment beside the river, looking at the glistening smooth water, and then walked into the cave. Sunlight traveled inside the cave for a time, then was silenced by the darkness.


Moist, cool and warm, all at the same time, I moved more deeply into the cave. I saw two brilliantly shining eyes advancing toward me, and a blank panther pulled up close and slinked around me. I put out my hand stroking her deep dark fur while she sidled up against me, brushing her blackish-blue coat against me, curling her tail around my neck and up over my face. I smelled her magnificent odor, dank, and wild. Somehow I wasn’t frightened by her, I felt genuinely connected to her. Panther sprayed a musky scent all around me, as if I were hers and hers alone. This strange perfume claimed me as her willing familiar.


Looking down at myself, I see I am dressed in a red robe or cloak, long and undulating behind me as I walk forward, my left hand on Panther’s back. I stride along with her, moving deeper into the cave. A memory or déjà vu sprouted in my mind and I saw myself naked, riding on top of her back as she padded down into the cave. Was that a passing dream or just another time we had met that I was remembering? I saw myself beside Panther again in current time, wearing a flowing white dress, surrounded by the red cape.


We sauntered again into the blackness, this time regally with my left hand on Panther’s dark, strong back. I had a scepter or a staff in my right hand. Was I royalty or a shepherdess? The cape had a fluffy, velvety, red collar that framed my face, and a crown sat on my head. I wondered as we ambled on if we would come to the waterfall at the other end of the cave? Somehow, I knew there was one, and when we got there, what then?


Soon, a white horse pushed up from the dirt underneath my legs, and I rode her deeper into the cave. My white dress, red cape and white horse, a stunning sight indeed, if we could see in the darkness. Panther slowly peeled away from me and gave me over to the white horse for the next part of my journey. I said a temporary goodbye to Panther because I knew I would be returning to her safety, smell and warmth.


A new light beckoned from an opening far in the cave, and the white horse and I cantered toward it. I saw the waterfall, the cave river streaming over heavy rocks, flowing out into the air and falling a great distance down, frothing into a deep gulch. As we walked toward the top of the waterfall, the white horse easily and gently sprouted wings and we flew above this queendom, horse and me, soaring and swooping lazily. I realized the horse was Pegasus, the only horse fit for my Sagittarian self with Aries in my ascendant house. We flew this way and that, and I looked over the blue skies, no cloud to be seen. I felt on top of the world. Then, Pegasus and I glided toward a mountain nearby.


The mountain also had a cave-like opening but at the top of it. I realized this was a volcano, with only a tiny bit of smoke seeping from it. Pegasus and I flew down deep into the opening of the volcano. The volcano was full of mystery and the unknown at first. Then, dark transitioning to bright white, clearing away the smoke and mist. Sleeping inside was a dragon, a blueish-green, huge, fire-breathing dragon, his scales wide and rugged, his claws like an eagle’s sharp talons but so much larger. He was asleep when we landed down at the bottom of the volcano.


I spoke to the dragon in a strange language, one I didn’t even understand, and my words seemed to be soothing as I whispered into his ear. He smiled widely but his eyes were still closed. I began singing then, lullabies and sacred music, the tones echoing throughout the volcano. When I stopped singing, the dragon rustled and seemed to wake up gently.

“I knew it was you but I thought I was in a dream, a luscious dream, full of beauty and charm, wild flowers and a light garden mist, with all sorts of animals, reptiles, rocks, birds, and other beings, living here. I didn’t want to wake up from the dream but when I realized it was you, I recognized the dream as being real.”


And, then I looked all around us and saw that the inside of this volcano had become a gorgeous garden full of native plants, trees, bushes and flowers. Birds singing, crickets chirping, and even monkeys and owls stirring about. I saw a jaguar, a lion and a cheetah, napping along with zebras and giraffes, as if this were the set of a Tarzan movie, being filmed in this forest, this jungle. Here, all of nature seemed at peace without conflict or competition, without violence or misery.


Vines for swinging around, snakes for terrifying us, green growth so large that the poisonous frogs are hidden, camouflaged and curious. I was delighted by the whole setting. Then, soon, I felt sleep suddenly calling me. I climbed up into a large oak tree and found a wide and deep branch for my nest. I laid down on soft leaves, the sun shining from above in this volcanic paradise. I saw Pegasus nibbling grass as I sank into a deep, deep sleep. My body totally relaxed and rested.


As I began to wake after dozing for quite some time, I opened my eyes and felt blood dripping onto my head and white dress from above, red, warm, wet and smelling like steel. I saw a giant condor above me on a higher branch in the tree, delighting in his meal of fresh carrion. The dripping blood felt like I was being anointed by some ethereal being, and I playfully smeared the blood all over my face, sticky and damp.


Dazzling red blood became the symbol of my warrior self, the one who has always protected me and guided me, navigating discord and keeping me safe. I became that warrior but I sensed no danger. Was the condor’s meal a sacrifice to some god or goddess, or to all of them? Who knows? I thanked the condor for baptizing me, anointing me with sacred blessings. I felt honored and humbled.


I called for Pegasus who flew over and danced underneath me, waiting for me to tighten my legs around his belly. I asked him to fly up and over this volcanic paradise to witness any possible danger. But, there was really no danger at all — at first. As we flew up, I saw the volcanic garden catching fire, the heat and smoke rising up from the bottom, more and more furiously. I wondered where the dragon was and I saw him pacing and fuming, nostrils outstretched, blowing fire all about. What had happened to him? Was he angry or sad?


Somehow knowing in my heart what may have happened, I called out to the dragon, “I didn’t mean to leave or abandon you. Come up and fly with us.” The dragon visibly transformed all at once from a fiery dragon full of fury into a peaceful water dragon, flying up with giant wings to join us. “Oh, my feelings got hurt again,” he cried, “I couldn’t help it! You left without saying goodbye.” His tremendous tears fell onto the volcanic garden’s gloomy ground and put out the glowing garden’s fire. “Danger averted,” he apologized. “When you leave me, even for a moment, I get a bit crazy and lost, flames pouring out of my nose, even when I don’t mean to hurt anyone or anything. I’m so sorry.”


I petted the dragon, asked for his forgiveness, and thanked him for putting out the burning coals that were now dissolving into dry ash. Clean air floated down into the volcano, and the sun poured its light far into the vast space as well. The world inside the volcano and the world outside the volcano became golden and flush with green growth once again. After flying a few more spiraling loops in the sky, I told the dragon I would come back tomorrow, and that I needed to return to my cave before darkness set in. He seemed to understand even though he grieved knowing how often he felt so alone in the volcano. Pegasus and I flew further away from the volcano and saw the faint moon waxing toward a full moon in the twilight sky. Nourished by all that had happened and worn out by our travels, we headed home to the cave.


We entered through the waterfall opening and as we did, Pegasus’ wings withdrew into his body. I fed Pegasus oats and barley, and he drank from the river’s water. He laid down while I walked into the cave’s darkness.


What a sight I must have been, if anyone could see in a dark cave, blood smeared all over my face and clothes! But, my aura was teeming with delight and brightness. When Panther came to retrieve me to walk me through the cave, she could smell the blood on me and wondered about my adventures. I began telling her all about them while she listened patiently. I finished the story being so glad to return home to our peaceful sanctuary together.


I took off my bloody dress, laid my red cape on the cave floor, and then I went to the river, bending down to splash water onto my face. I waded into the river to clean off my whole body, rinsing away the blood and dirt from the day. I felt a shining and healing light glow within me, sending blessings out to the world and beyond.


Panther purred nearby and cuddled up with me on soft moss as we entered sleep time. Dropping off to sleep again, I felt full, pleased and satiated by the day’s wanderings. I am not sure I dreamt that night, but know I slumbered in serene tranquility.


Ah Ho. Blessed Be.

Saturday, February 3, 2024

Sacred Shredding of Shame

Will our current clothes melt off during the big burn?

Or, will they be ripped apart by thundering hooves?

How and when does the sacred shredding of shame

And obligation happen?


Our clotted up canals are not only our stuck places

But our protectors, too, keeping us safe from harm

While opening up our bodies, hearts and minds 

Expanding fully

What a risky proposition!


Not just naked but vulnerable, fragile, and gooey

We break open our shells of whatever sort

Asking, begging to enter the new world

Once and for all, proudly shedding our skins


Wait a minute! It could be cold out there

Or, suffocatingly hot

I didn’t bring my windbreaker or my hat

I need them when I travel to the New Earth

Got to find transportation as well


A glossy golden ribbon floated down from the sky

Seductive and magnetic, offering so many gifts 

If we touch or grab the thread, we may change

Forevermore, and we take our time deciding


Then, when the lions roar and the saxophones sing

We latch on to the glowing strand of gold and

Dive deep down into the ocean with glee

No longer wanting to live as we have been living 

We die to past structures in order to create 

This new world

This new space of Grace


It is time

It is now

Coming with me

Or not?