A Surrender

Counting the days until I got 

What I wanted

What I have so desired

Is that pride and lust I smell
Under my armpits?

Here it is, all dressed up 

In a pretty little package

My dream, my fantasy

Shrink wrapped in a box

Needing to be sliced out of 

Its plastic so it can breathe

Opening and expanding

I rejoice

With a guttural Aha!

Stoking the ego

Chasing the craving

Believing in paradise

Not so fast! 

The Divine Mystery exclaimed

Who do you think you are?
You think you deserve this little

Slice of Heaven on earth?
Why?

Sheepishly and nervously

I answered:

I played by the rules

I acted generous at times

I tried to love

Everyone as best I knew how

(Even though part of my

Performances were make-believe)

Why can’t I continue to

Believe in my good fortune

My being blessed and lucky

Am I so wrong?

YES! She shouted whirling around

Creating a vicious tornado

For a human being you have done OK

But, being a person, you still lack

The qualities, the polish, the chutzpa of

An energy smarter, more accomplished 

More divine, like me

Did you think I would let you get away with this?

I suppose not, I responded, sadly

What are the tasks, the challenges 

I must perform to beg you to

Let me have what I want?

I will even pray

No deal!  She screamed

In a piercing and ear-splitting roar

I am not a broker, no deal maker

With the likes of you

I am here to show you 

How to Let Go

To Surrender

I will take everything you 

Have seemed to cherish 

Away from you

In a violent  and tragic tsunami

Have you heard about

The hurricane coming, the

Storm surge that

Wreaks havoc with

People’s dreams and lives?

Oh, no, I gasp, hysterically

I thought I could avoid that!

My last conscious action before I was

Knocked down, gruesomely and

Horribly destroyed (and transformed) 

Was

Releasing my grip 

Relaxing my arthritic

Fingers that

Clenched so long and so tightly to

All parts of this life

I kept a straight face though 

Wanting to appear as courageous and brave

As I could be, not wanting to appear weak

Then came the thunders

The lightnings

The flooding

The final releasing of 

My greatest grasp on

This reality 

That I made up

No longer could I hold on

No longer could I deny to myself

The Truth

Letting go of my dreams

My very human yearnings

(Like that I will live through this)

I finally gave up, gave in

Relaxed and floated while

The tide pulled me out to sea

Somehow, without effort

Avoiding every projective missile

Thrown toward me

Then I saw Her in the deepest waters

Knowingly and gently smiling at me

Now that I knew who was boss

I hugged Her so fiercely

I didn’t want to let Her go

She swam away, easily, laughingly

Teaching me

A pure relationship 

Between all beings 

And the Divine

Peace spread out 

A beautiful space

Inside me

Absolute surrender

I was free at last

For a time