Saturday, April 26, 2025

Shattering

Just the other day, I participated in a circle of women, experiencing a guided energy healing meditation which was going smoothly. I was luxuriating in the divine energies flowing into the cells throughout my body, as instructed.

Then, our guide, Katie, described something like an earthquake happening inside of us, so that parts of us could be released into the air, into Source, into Mother Earth, or back to wherever they came from. Those parts no longer needed, or that had become burdensome and too heavy, or the remnants that came from our ancestral and family systems, whatever we needed to shed.

I have often journeyed into such depths which sometimes includes my body shaking, shuddering, stretching and moving vibrantly, so nothing new there. Until Katie continued talking and used the word, “shattering.” Something about letting ourselves shatter on the inside, opening us up.

In the past, I have done many breathwork and other healing energy meditations in attempts to open up my chakras to create a nicely streaming channel without too much past stuff blocking its flow. I often focus particularly on my root, heart and third eye chakras. My crown chakra usually seems open and porous. However, this time I was awed.

For the first time in this lifetime, I felt a not-so-subtle yet not painful explosion inside my head, and saw my head splitting apart, jagged cracks on each side of my skull, beaming with bright yellow light from within, as this glistening energy slipped out confidently. The crevices seemed stunning, looking like lightning bolts (aka Harry Potter's forehead), as they widened, spilling out a blazing glow.

This was the first time that my skull had ever cracked open, at least in a meditation. Incredible! And, not scary at all. In fact, I was stunned but not really surprised even though I had never actually thought about this happening. I also wondered how cool it was that my skull opened up so easily, as if parts of it were levitating, releasing light. And, I wasn’t disturbed, wondering if I would lose my sparkle, by letting it shower into the air outside of me, trusting somehow that it was actually pleasing to let some of it go, or flow. Like a tea kettle with water boiling inside while steam sprayed out.

When it was time for us to share with each other in this particular circle, I proclaimed what had happened, illustrating my excitement about this phenomenon, fascinated by the amazing image I "saw." Of course, then, being a retired psychotherapist, I reassured the other women that I was not psychotic, which is one of my fears, for instance, if I let myself truly take the deep plunge and dive into the magical, mystical, cosmic world of the Divine.

Perhaps my mind is opening up in ways that never occurred to me before. And, I wasn't in control of this happening but somehow I trusted that the experience was right.

What I am very curious about now, is: what energies may now come flowing down into my more open head as we become more cosmic human beings?

Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Release

 What did my body release today?

Primitive, ancient patterns

Feelings and ways of being

That wound me up

Clenched my hands and feet 

Energetically becoming

Puréed, black bile pouring out

Unable to stay within this body

Any longer


The smells, the putrid, disgusting

Necrotic parts way past 

Their use by date

Sliding out without warning

Rushing away from the body as

Fast as they could

No longer being caged up

Locked up, affecting

All of the inner organs

Blood, muscles and ligaments

No longer wearing the correct outer

Garments for the evolution at hand


Slipping out with no control

No sphincter strong enough

To hold in any longer

This body rejecting its own

Fluids and materials that

Once helped protect it by 

Absorbing so much stress 

Strain and fear


All that grief streamed out

Flooding into pools below me

I could barely gasp good-bye

As despair kept gushing until

Finally, it slowed to a trickle


No longer needed

No longer wanted


Thank you for the role

You played, the job you did

For me, allowing

Me to function while

Holding onto so much sorrow


Now, you run out of 

Me without my being able to

Even try to stop you

Leaking into the excretions

Carrying you away from me

Never to be contained again


I would have chosen to release you 

If I had realized how ready 

You were to leave 

In fact, I was not conscious

That I could


Flowing back into Source

Being at one with Air

Water, Fire and Earth

I have appreciated your 

Benevolence throughout time


Thank you

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

Becoming a Cosmic Mystic

 I make no claims regarding an exact recipe or steps to becoming a Cosmic Mystic. We are all so unique that no one set of processes or procedures will work for each one of us.

I can, however, tell you how I began becoming a Cosmic Mystic. What a wonderful and wild ride!

First, you have to be visited. How do you get visited? In all sorts of ways, probably. Without going into much personal family history and stories about my life, I will describe to you the highlights of how I got to where I am now and why the label, “Cosmic Mystic,” appeals to me. I am pretty sure that I needed to do most everything that I did to grow over time into this state of being.

How to be visited is a winding, sometimes turbulent path. Sometimes not. Many people have spontaneous experiences of the mystical, particularly in childhood. What I mean by the word "mystical" is a direct experience with what may be perceived as divinity of some sort, a spiritual awakening experience, or an ecstatic moment of pure and intense connection. Some people may never assign the words, “spiritual, mystical or sacred” to such an experience, and that’s just fine.

I may have always known at some level that I had not only a personality and a biological body but also some sort of soul or spirit or divine energy that I communicated with - but I wasn't conscious about this phenomenon when I was younger. Having been raised in the Deep South in a religious family did not give me the words that I grew into. I learned about God, Jesus and the Trinity in church, but very little about Mary or Mary Magdalene because the patriarchal Bible seems to have included only men’s writings, not publishing women’s theological teachings. That discussion is for another time though I will say that getting to know Mary, Mary Magdalene, and so many other feminine saints, goddesses, and witches has assisted me with my current ideas about Cosmic Mysticism.

Like most kids, I struggled at times growing up with so many “shoulds” and training about how I should be acting, much less feeling and thinking, I shaped and molded myself into a pretty good product for my time, even though unconsciously (at that time) I was terribly codependent, mostly trying to please and help others, without knowing why. I was serious and loved to learn although I was also playful, energetic and enthusiastic. Sometimes, I was told to calm down or to squash some of my animation, only later realizing and understanding how my excitement may have made others uncomfortable. I worked hard for approval and attention (ie. love) and got it some of the time.

This type of growing up worked pretty well for me, and I developed some good defenses and coping skills that helped me deal with (or not deal with) conflict and distress. Except that I didn’t really know how to get along in a primary intimate relationship very well until what I call my late adolescence (mid-30's) whereas everyone else seemed to have had gotten married much earlier than I. It took me a long while to run into a partner who fit well enough for me, and me for him. Having a child also helped me learn so much about attachment and detachment, intimacy, pain, suffering, and joy.

Not one who suffered a lot of complex trauma, I identified over time with the word, “neglect,” even though I had pretty wonderful parents who were usually doing the best they could in our family situation. I was lucky and blessed to be born into this family that nested me and supported me in becoming a “successful,” mostly good person. Always had shadows though, as do we all.

Only in my older years, when a few tragedies and major losses began to occur, did I get propelled into the spiritual, the mystical, and the quantum field of not just this three dimensional reality but into so many other dimensions, times and spaces. The pandemic helped with slowing down, too. Then, I decided to take some time away from working since I could retire, and began listening better and seeing more clearly than before, sometimes stunned at and amazed by what I heard and saw, supporting many of my beliefs and values. Like, we are all part of a whole, connected to each other, and what happens to one happens to us all, metaphorically and figuratively speaking. Sometimes, physically, too.

My life included being a psychotherapist for over 30 years, working with people in distress, as well as participating in all sorts of psychotherapy practices and alternative therapies as a client myself, setting up a context for a gentle and gradual explosion of awakening, becoming more aware about enlightenment and about so many realms and realities around me and inside me.

I did not see any UFO or UAP’s, nor did I get abducted, I did not join a cult with a magnificent guru, but I did participate quite frequently with groups of women (and some men) in person and online, people who became my tribe, who were also experiencing human life and Spirit in deeply personal, intimate ways. Direct experience with the Divine may, or course, happen at any point. What I know is that it took me until my 60’s when I slowed down enough to find the time and space to journey within and outside of myself at very vulnerable, intimate and lovely levels. The sacramental use of plants and molecules also helped me to explore and expand.

I began having visitations by what I call spirit beings, goddesses, elemental energies and more, while developing and deepening my connection with Mother Nature, Mother Earth, and with so many other mystics and spiritual masters. One important book was The Sophia Code, whose author, Kaia Ra, had channeled, and then developed a wide-ranging set of programs and a lively community. Another mystic and teacher/mentor has been Rebecca Campbell whose international presence comes from her working with people and sharing herself and her mystical skills in commercially public ways over time.

I also began joining communities of women on retreats at a beautiful, non-touristy beach, mostly facilitated by Tammy Roth, PhD, increasing my curiosity and enjoyment of life even more, turning me onto the quantum world through family constellations and astrology, guided mediations, and so much more. Richard Rudd and his book, The Gene Keys, and many of his programs also assisted me in my growth. Many other mentors, trainers, facilitators and friends have supported me during this transformative time so that I could become a more peaceful, grounded, centered human being, and more connected intimately with the Divine.

A year or so ago, I found a spiritual counselor which I never had been open to in past years. She contributed a great deal to my recognizing my core wounds, how to feel them and think about them, noticing my resistances - and how to shed some of my many skins, defenses, coping skills and barriers to opening up, to release and surrender even more of my long term conditioned patterns that helped me survive so “successfully” in the past. Once I could release some of these beliefs and parts of myself that no longer served me (or which weren’t mine to begin with), I could burrow down into myself and into Spirit. The visitations became more frequent.

I also began (after several years of using a Chinese medicine doctor who helped to open up my chi while helping my body heal) to find and use an Intuitive Channel of Divine Energy, Katie Todd, who is quite amazing. Energy is what we are, what the world is, what the universe and the cosmos are. Learning to notice, know, and play with energy is part of being human and getting healthier.

The day after one of my recent energy healing sessions I practiced a deep meditative method I sometimes use, and toward the end of that experience, I heard a voice, naming herself with one syllable that I couldn’t quite fully understand for several days. Turns out that when I was 1 - 2 yrs old, my mother hired a woman for only a couple of hours per week to help her with ironing. That was in the early 1950’s when many women tended to do everything for their families, including cooking, cleaning, loving, managing and handling everything about the house while supporting her husband and his career. The old days, I know!

My maternal grandmother and my mother laughingly told me as an adult that when this woman came to iron, I would be in the room with her chattering and babbling, and she would say one of these syllables I heard after my meditation. She had given me the gift of attention and feedback as if she was truly listening and understanding this young child’s pseudo-words. I think I remember the story partly because this must have been a wonderful resource for me at the time when my mother was so busy (as she always was) taking care of 3 kids, one of whom had heart issues. This woman sat while ironing, listening to me, or seemed to, and murmuring reassuring words of interest and fascination about what I was saying. What a delight for a young child starved for attention and nurturance!

My experience is that this voice came to me as a Spirit being or a blessing, illustrating how she and other spiritual energies have been there all along, sometimes even in human forms. When seemingly small things happen to each of us in our lifetimes, they can help change our lives, shift a trajectory, and we can call them whatever we want to, like spirit beings, miracles, or magic. These guiding lights help steer us toward growth, guiding us even when we are unconscious about their participation (and we usually are), when we are at a crossroads, or just when living our regular lives as human beings.

So then, why add the "Cosmic" to this "Mystic" word? Because I believe that we have eternal souls and that we live many lifetimes wherever we have been geographically. That we are all here now on this planet to learn about human life and to support each other and ourselves, to become more generous and kinder. And, that in our growth toward better health, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, we are also here to share with others who on their own paths. And, perhaps help them as well.

That in community, we can learn to be our best selves, assisting humanity in transitioning out of long term patriarchal conditioning (at least, in our society) to a better system where the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine (and every other gender as well) are all parts of our systems of being born, living, growing, healing, and dying as physical bodies. Living within a stream of soul consciousness, inspiring us and supporting us cosmically, spiritually and for the benefit of all beings. That there is a Collective Consciousness that we often dip into, and hopefully share.

Perhaps you have experienced visitations, too? Maybe you have had a conversation with a cat or a star, a flower or a tree, or an experience of deep connection or ecstasy without knowing why, resonating in deep understanding, listening to, and seeing the symbolic and spiritual as a foreground and focal point in life.

However you learn and grow from such visitations, I hope that you will develop and deepen your own ways of listening to and/or worshipping whatever Divine beings you know and are open to knowing. Our lives change when this happens, becoming easier, so much less stressful, more peaceful and soothing - allowing us to be and act more loving and compassionate with all beings. Once we know this, life goes forward, and transformation, rebirth, and ecstasy are available more of the time. I invite you to witness and explore your own cosmic mysticism.

Sunday, April 20, 2025

Cosmic Mystical Evolution


The term, "Cosmic Mystical Evolution” is a mouthful, even if intriguing. A mouthful of what? Not just concepts and theory, I hope. Nor just sterile science. Imagine entering into a fully embodied experience of being in the space of the Cosmic, the Great Beyond, and the Mystical, growing there, sprouting and blooming! Sounds yummy and juicy to me.

To me, Cosmic Mysticism is evolutionary, growing, developing and maturing over time, becoming initiated into realizing how we are not just human but also divine beings. 

To me, Cosmic Mysticism is about Connection. Connection with a Divine Source or The Great Mystery, or whatever name people like to use for the All-Knowing, the Spirit, the Divine Intelligence. Connection means to engage with, to link to, to know deeply and to experience a sharing between. Between myself and my body, between me and you, between me and the planet, between me and the Divine Community of spirits or souls. A knowing both inside and outside and throughout.

I might like to call myself a Cosmic Mystic. Is that a witch with warts on her nose, a prankster or trickster, a hypocrite or a shyster, or even a liar? Or, maybe I am someone who has always been curious about what life means, what death brings, what Spirit sings, what the soul represents, and how we all function as best we can together while being human along with other living beings on this planet, Mother Earth, and, beyond.

I have been a seeker, a searcher, an explorer and adventurer into what I now call the Wonder. I do believe in miracles, revelations and epiphanies, and that we can all experience some level of these encounters, or rather interactions with the Ecstatic. I myself have found much amazing Grace to behold and to become at one with, at times.

I wonder if we are part of the Divine or is the Divine inside of us? Is there a sharing between our bodies, our souls, our minds and hearts, and Universal Intelligence? Maybe the Divine is bubbling around inside us like blood, nourishing us, treating our diseases, releasing itself from us at times, pouring out into the world. Or, if outside of us, then maybe a Divine Mother with generous breasts who feeds us until we are fully sated.

One friend likes to consider the Divine imaginatively like an Octopus, and the head is the Wise One, the ‘god/dess’ part, so to speak. We might each be a tentacle with our own personalities, families, struggles, gifts, talents, feelings, bodies, and thoughts. If we see ourselves as part of a whole Being then, maybe we can stop fighting with each other, raping (even our planet), harming each other in all sorts of ways, and stealing from each other to provide for our loved ones. Maybe we can try to work better together for the good of all. If one of the Octopus’ tentacles gets chopped off, does the whole organism die or does the tentacle regrow like a lizard’s tail? Maybe we can help heal, at least, the wound.

Or, if we imagine a tree being a god/dess, then we can be the trunk, the roots, the branches and leaves. We can even blossom into flowers and become fruit on the tree. We can also die off, fluttering to the ground as leaves or petals, and maybe get reborn next year.

Is there really just one Deity or are there so many we can’t even count them, much less name them all by culture and language? We can worship and be amazed by Mother Nature in all her beauty and destruction, Gaia, with a bit Kali living inside her. Maybe we can imagine a collaborative community of souls, spirit beings and living beings on our planet. And, if so, why not expand our beliefs, connections and curiosity to not just this universe but to all known and unknown galaxies, moving our visions, experiences, and imaginations out into the cosmos?

We can worship politics or astrology, poetry or prose, sports, substances, or people, but what in the heck does worship mean anyway? Maybe worship is to what or whom we devote our energies, money, and time.

We can live in community or mostly alone, and we as human beings are all dependent on other people and systems for the food we eat, the love we feel, the water we drink. We have those who educate us, fix our cars, operate surgically on our bodies, pick up our garbage, and teach our children. We support each other in our communities as we enjoy some parts of life, whether they be concerts, dancing together, chanting, fundraising, or moaning in sorrow at our losses, grieving together.

Cosmic Mystical Evolution is then not only a devotional space for us and the Divine, but a place, an energy-filled community where we can collaborate with others, sharing space as living beings while hopefully enjoying life and becoming more conscious of ourselves, our patterns, our styles, and how we manage conflict, while being devoted both to ourselves and to each other.

If we draw down energy from the heavens or up from Mother Earth, or from deep within, if we seek other humans to share our energies physically and emotionally, if we reach up to the stars, the sun, the moon and other galaxies to find the Truth, or to experience many truths, then we can delight in noticing the energies, quantum particles, and waves flowing all around us and inside us, all of the time. Yes, most of us still have to go to work, obtain money in order to live, to share, and to take care of our basic living needs. Mindfully, we might hope.

We can also resist being a part of any kind of wacky evolutionary movement and follow our own singular paths, believing and having faith in what we have learned throughout our lives, taught by our families and religious institutions - because don’t you know, it just feels safer that way. We all like and need some concrete rules, rituals, and practices at times. They can help us live more certainly in this uncertain world. And, uncertainty can drive some of us crazy or scare us to death.

Throughout time, humans have gone through chaos, fear, and confusion, all the tragedies and traumas that we hear about and see every day (and that we also participate in, some way or another). We do not deny that some experiences seem to be full of evil or demonic forces.

My preacher father used to tell me that evil is not just a force or energy naturally present into the world. That it is inside us, in people (and we are pretty natural, too, I would add). That we act in what some would call "evil" ways for so many kinds of reasons, too many to count. And, that we are human beings who hurt each other (and sometimes ourselves), even when not intending to do so. Evil may not exist outside of us but many of us exhibit evil-like behaviors at some points in time, depending upon the circumstances. If our family is starving, we may kill to eat.

We may also attack others because they are so different from us and because they scare us, or because we don’t understand them and may not really want to spend the time and energy getting to know them, or be around them. Attacks, intimidation, bullying, and threats, like what we see from our current U.S. Administration, are not healthy actions or responses. Our roles are to seek change regarding the people who have the power to enact danger and violence, whether by deporting people without due process, or depleting the money we have earned over time.

I don't see natural disasters as evil, like hurricanes that devastate humans, other living beings, land, and rivers. Nor do I see evil when wildfires burst forth, or when volcanoes erupt, as damaging as they can be.

My quest continues to be grounded and centered in living moment by moment in the present, whenever possible, sometimes enjoying the stimulation of the world and its beings, and sometimes needing to take a breath and hide out by myself for awhile. My passion is in connecting with living beings (and myself), those I can see and witness with my Western mind, and those other beings that I can experience in all sorts of ways - in order for me to feel and explore what is happening around me, inside me, and in the cosmos.

What are your passions and hopes? What brings you support and magic into your every day life? What helps you when conflicts arise as they always do?

Let’s all keep evolving, co-creating our own transformations, revolutions and communities wrapped within values like love, open hearts, and compassion for the spiritual benefit of all beings on our earth and throughout the cosmos. And, so it is.

Saturday, April 12, 2025

Sacred Sophia (through the Cosmic Egg)

Slipping into the Cosmic Womb


Through the earthly wound


Guided by sacraments


Relaxing the mind's need for understanding


The body craves remembering and


Releasing all that is not hers


From the tightly-wound womb


Through which she was born


Ancestral patterns galore


Patriarchal conditioning intact


Picking and choosing, sorting what


To leave and what to take with her


Wear and tear of chronological years


Sliding off her body now


Through the gifts of Grace


The hardened marble of the vessel


Chiseled away over time


Letting go of what no longer serves


All that doesn’t belong


All that takes up space without


Participating in the emptying and growth


The Great Surrender into the Wonder


Celebrating the success of


Human life, now fully embraced


Transforming, constellating


Spanning the distance between


All living beings and the cosmos


Between Mother Earth, her ocean depths


And the Source of Infinite Creation


The tides of her seas outside and


Inside a new genre of being


Whose own waters flow


Within the confines of her membranes


This body called human


Without harsh boundaries, or limits


No need for containment


All parts, soft and oozing


Sliding into and out of each other


Until the time comes to manifest form


Sensing and feeling


Not seeking to explode out of this


Tightly constructed rocket capsule


Not yet


Finding meaning and purpose


Searching for the Beloved


The ultimate cradle of


Sacred Transformation


Crucible of Spiritual Growth


Illuminating Metamorphoses


Throughout so many lives


Awakening at times, becoming reborn


Reactivating, reanimating


Recovering during the renaissance


The reinvigoration and resuscitation of


The Cosmic Heart of the Universe


Feeling this Heart pulsing, beating


Inside the Divine Feminine


All around her and through her


Resting in the Divine Mother’s arms


The body adjusts to hosting


A novel creation of life, a New Human


Transitioning gently


Sacred Sophia streams slowly


Gradually emerging


Eclipsing then embodying


Rejuvenating the energies


Within and around her


Revitalizing her bones, her organs


Skin and tissue, cells and blood


Channeling, singing, chanting


Dancing the Divine


Revivification of the Human Architecture


The comfortable cocoon expands


Its shell breaks apart delicately


Into the Light and Consciousness of the


Oneness of all Truth and Light


This time as Divine Feminine and


The Divine Masculine unite to create


A transpersonal and transcendent Child


Sacred Sophia, born anew from the ashes in


Her last dash out of her cage into


The Heart of the Universe


Sophia, sizzling with Power


Eternal Grace


The Great I AM


Love and Compassion


The Dark and the Light


Never evil, always


Connected to all living beings


Whole and Holy


Everywhere, all of the time


Every thing and no thing


Hearts beating now all together


Succulent sips of the Breath of Life


Conjoined and collaborating


Between the realms


Within and throughout all realities


Love and Compassion


No shock and awe


Always gentle


Always soft


Flowing into and through


Never separate


Not anymore