Pleasing others worked for so long
That it had to stop
Because suffering snuck up
And blasted away my energy
Encouraging anger and resentment
Instead of believing I was to feed the world
I incorrectly believed I was to be the food
Like a neon sign, I lit up
With these words: "Eat me"
No, not in a sexual way but
"I am here for you, to fill you up
To bring you peace, give you
Whatever you need, I will do my best
To respond or rather
I will offer before you can even
Ask
Maybe you wouldn't have asked
At all.
What do I want? "Oh, dear,
I don't need anything," I said too often
What do I want?
To stop feeding others with my resources
My body, my generosity
My energy and time
And to feed myself for awhile
Or better yet, to be fed
What would I like on the menu?
Some delightful foods and drink
Most of all, I want your love
Not just being needed but wanted
So sharing can happen
No more one-way streets
By meeting your needs
I got some of my needs met
Codependency, they call it
No more sacrificial lamb
At the height of what felt like empathy
Has been my untethered narcissism
Clear as a bell
No one can save the world
No one can make another happy
But we can bring our full selves
To each other to be touched
Gazed upon, acknowledged and
Understood
What freedom!
A release from the chains of
A life-long belief that my job
Was to care for others
Now, I am taking care of myself
(Which feels extremely odd)
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