Divine Eruption

Finally! No longer a victim of the stories that

I told myself all these years, consciously and unconsciously

My only perpetrator was growing up as a human child in this world

Adhering to the guidelines, policies and procedures of

Family and society, being neglected early on just

Because of great stress, heightened fear, and potential tragedies

That many of us experience

Now, I no longer need to live according to what I think

I should do as or how I should act as a human being

I now live more clearly aligned with Spirit

Awakening to my Soul’s purpose and mission

I have always wanted community, but recently

Decided to withdraw from community for awhile

Separating myself from some of the

World's stresses and the needs of so many others

So that I could learn to know myself more deeply and

Explore core issues like feeling sometimes unlovable

Feeling sometimes deeply lonely and separate

Feeling sometimes like a victim

A woman burned at the stake

Never before conscious of feeling

Like a victim until this exact moment in my life

Having felt the need to follow requisite ways of being

Appropriate etiquette learned so early 

Ingrained in my cells and bones

I became tired of attending to what I thought were

The needs of my family, friends, and profession

(All just stories I told myself)

And now

I am free

No longer feeling like a victim

Without knowing it consciously

Until now

Earlier, I thought I had to follow protocol

Had to be a good girl

Had to be kind and gracious

Repressing anger and even excited animation

Because these feelings were just too

Uncomfortable for some others

Startling the status quo

Rocking the supposed calm of holding

Everything together by the tiniest of threads

I performed well, I became a good girl

Filtering out the behaviors that were

Distressing to others

Only to grow up and help create a family

And career that prompted me to

Try oh so hard to meet others' wants and needs

By acting calm enough, sturdy enough, and quiet enough

To not shake up others’ sensitive bodies and minds

Their souls?

I became successful in some worldly ways

Losing some of myself at the same of time

I kept thinking and believing that I needed 

To change for others

Crucify or cut off parts of myself that seemed to draw

Negative attention, Calm down, Calm down!

I chopped off so many parts that I became

Depressed and stressed, dressed in a straight jacket

Sewn with my own own hands

Just trying to fit into what I assumed

My family and others needed

Enough of that, all those years trying to comply

At work, at home, within myself

Then, all of the sudden

I burst open like an overripe fat fig

Splitting apart, spraying out juicy seeds

Dripping with divine nectar

Full of hope and sacred passion

A Divine Eruption

Helping me become the woman that I am today

More closely aligned with my Soul, with Spirit

More consciously doing what I please and what

I know is good for me and for the benefit of all beings

If who and what I am is not good for you

I feel some regret and grief, and

I am still who I am

Finally and forevermore