Whiny Babies

Whiny babies irritate and disgust me

Why? I don’t know how to help them

(As if anyone can)

I fear the whiny baby inside of me

The tiny part who fears 

Who trembles

Who knows not what to do 

Differently

I project, therefore I am

Mean sister, mean friend

Mean family member

Mean boss or lover

Doesn’t matter

You make me so angry

And scared that I can’t 

Reject you, throw you 

Out of my life and that

I am stuck with you always

Taken hostage by you

You whiny, clinging baby

That you are, turning to me

With your complaints and gripes

Your trauma and horrors

I thought I could help you

But, I don’t see you changing much

So you make me feel incompetent

Not so smart and then I hate

You for that.

Then, Grace steps in and asks:

Maybe these whiny babies who 

Attack and are dour and sour

Irritable and awful to be around
Target you with their venom and fear

And you want to wash it off you

You don’t want to take it in 

If you can help it

They give you headaches

They are stressful for you

Always nagging and disgruntled

Nothing is right or good

Everything is bad and wrong
They bring you down

And, Grace says, maybe

They are just babies

Having been born into a world

That harmed them, or the 

Combination of the two, the

Baby and the world

A bad match and so they 

Tantrum, scream and whine

You try to feed them

That doesn't work

You try to love them

That doesn't work

They always need more and more

Think of them as babies

Just babies and part of your

Job in the world is to take care of

The babies

Some may live and thrive
And some may not

You have to let those go

Because they drain you

(Remember you fear they won’t

Go away even when you tell them to)

How do you tell a baby

Mom's leaving now and 

She won't be back

Good luck on your future?

You do have power

You have choice

Tell them good bye

Or give them to 

Another parent for awhile

You are not much good to them

Or for them    anymore 

Anyway

Or, do them a favor

And shove them gently out of the nest

So that they can grow up

And, yes, they may die falling so far

To the earth

What a Good Little Girl!

Most of my life, I have kept

As silent as I thought I should be

Most of my life I have tried to be good

To be pleasing and helpful to others

Most of my life I have kept myself safe

So that I could manage my fears and anxieties

Most of my life I have heard that children were to be

Seen and not heard (I was often loud and still am)

Most of my life I have felt different from others

Not quite like the rest, but I also

Knew I was similar enough to get by

Turns out we were all hiding 

Right here in plain sight

We were all trying to be 

"Appropriate" like we were taught to be

As Southern girls and women

Trained well at the breast

From now on in my life

I plan to be more careful in my choices

About when to speak and not speak

About when I want to be heard and when

I want silence all around me

Not just within me

From now on I will talk to my friends

And family and to my spirit guides

Along with my ancestors

I'll talk to strangers when

I want to, and not when I don't

(Unless there is a good reason)

From now on I plan to be more crisp

When I speak or write, more articulate 

And certain about what I am communicating

Having before worried that I might look stupid

Or silly, and that I should remain mum

I became what my culture trained

Me to be - until I became resentful

And burned out, angry at others

Without understanding why

(It wasn't fair to them, either)

Forget the word "appropriate"

According to whom?

Let me be risky, moving around 

Wildly dancing

Stomping loudly

When the spirit moves me

Oh, but that scares others and maybe

They won’t like or respect me

At my current age, who cares?

(I have always cared, does that change?)

May I be outrageous in my appearance

May I share grace and love with

All beings in and around Mother Earth

And with all realities, matter, and

Spaces in between, with black holes

And worm holes

(My husband tells me it is 

Easy to love at a distance)

Let me spice up life

By being more daring

And courageous, stepping out in front

Like the majorette I was, an entertainer

But this time not as sheepishly or shyly

Like in high school

This time I know that I am 

Guided by those beings 

Who surround me

Who want me to do what I came here

To do: to be a messenger

A communicator, sharing and

Gathering and helping all beings

Until my human body is finished

And, I return home 

Adventuring onwards and towards

Until it is time for 

Eternal peace and rest

(If that is ever a thing)

Much love at the beach

My childhood legs running on the beach

Scattering sand into fish being grilled

Much fun on the beach

Older, my boyfriend's beach home

Red hot heat

Much love in the dunes

In the water, everywhere

Parents, child, husband at the beach

Year after year, swimming, playing

Much love and family at the beach

Sea creatures, shells

Kelp forests and coral

Each sweetens my heart

Watching videos of them 

Much love in the water

Walking the sands with dogs and husband

Watching amazing herons and dolphins

Much love and wisdom at the beach

Mother Ocean Retreats, January 2023

Ten incredible women diving deeply

Practicing magic

Much love and community at the beach

I want to live at the beach, always have

Now, I explore Mother Earth's soil in town

While I dream about the salty wind

Where I visit every now and then

Much love on the beach

A Kaleidoscope of Coral

Colonies of polyps

Attaching themselves

To hard substrates

Communities of people

Attached to Mother Earth

And to each other

Gravity

Coral can be hard or soft

Growing, serving as

Protection for other sea creatures

Beauty

Needed parts of the whole

Buffering shorelines 

Vital to a healthy ecosystem

Poisoned by toxins

Harmed by climate change 

Warmer water

Endangered

Colorful and diverse

Each colony unique

To its own

Sturdy, Sacred

Stunning to view

Coral needs water and light

Some types thrive deeper in

Colder environments   

Transmuting the 

Heaviness of this wounded world

Gorgeous landscapes

Sensuous scenery, visual candy

Ocean creatures, life cycles

Humans can be stunningly beautiful and

Extremely ugly 

Faces, words, and actions

Tones of voice

People are endangered too

Like sharks and other 

Carnivores who survive by

Eating other animals

People also attack emotionally

Verbally and physically

No food has to be exchanged

Except metaphorically

Or maybe there is a

"Food" transaction

Food nourishes so

 I may attack you

I may want your food

(Your ability to nourish 

Yourself better - in my opinion

than I do)

So, I steal, I grab your stuff

I push you over so I can

Have more (in my thinking)

I compete with you for

What I perceive as a

Limited amount of food

Attention

Having experienced 

Deprivation of food, touch, love

Emotional support

I want it

I am desperate for it

Power or fame

Wealth or beauty

Give it to me, please

Don’t make me beg

Meanwhile, in the kaleidoscope of the 

Kelp forest

Coral and sea fans softly

Sway in carefree currents

The tides

Sharks, sea lions and dolphins 

Hunt for food 

Killing other beings at times

Seemingly without all the 

Vigor and deep desire or 

Despairing desperation of 

Human needs that 

Didn’t get met

Still aren't met

Wonder what we might learn 

From Coral 

While still living as human beings?