Glistening Grace

First scene: musky mushrooms

Later came sounds

Upon hearing these words for

The first time, I melted

Falling into the Beloved’s arms

Full embrace

“We got this,” they whispered

(or boomed, not so sure which)

I imagined being held in a spacious

Dark womb, full of juicy fluids

The nectar of all life

Wondered if I may be dying

Next thought: that’s OK if I am

My mind continued to interrupt

Wondering about my responsibilities

Then, I heard these words

“We’ve got them, too”

Utter relief, freedom, liberation

Emancipation, transformation from

Being just a human wandering around

This world in this life

To a Knowing Being

For the first time ever

Becoming a more trusting person

Longing to surrender

Let go, release all the

Stress and tensions of 

Being human for so long

Next scene, different sacrament

All alone in a dry desert

The sun beating down

No shade or people

No water or coolness

All alone

Then, I saw large dark black birds

With long sharp bills

Flying down to me

Pecking at my abdomen

Hungrily

I felt no harm or anxiety

Just curious

My interpretations of my early life 

Carried the message that 

I was to feed people

I had taken this not quite literally 

(but somewhat) and

Became a psychotherapist trying 

To help everyone I knew and saw

Then, I saw this desert image and

Heard a new interpretation:

Not only shall I feed people but 

I should BE THE FOOD!

(Hell, NO! a part of me screamed)

Another voice came from within 

“Let them eat me, let them suck my blood

Nourishing themselves while I slowly die

Becoming recycled dry bones in the sand”

Angrily, grievously

I hated the message and worked for a long while

On changing my need to be needed by others

Giving up the idea that helping them would feed me

I rebelled, I wailed, I thought what a terrible

Belief I have held onto lo these many years

Taking some time and several journeys

I finally arrived at a different place

After retiring from my career work

I isolated myself often 

To just be

Instead of do

And I got quite good at that

Taking care of myself first and then

If I wanted to help others, I could

Then came the Sacred Molecule 

Spiritual cat and frog

This molecule helped me realize

We can all be healed, and the fact is,

That we are all food for each other

Literally and spiritually

Now as I become more filled with 

Glistening Grace

I just shine

I just glow

I don’t have to do much

Except be the simple person

I have become

Far less doing

Not needing to please others so much

Nor being driven to help others

Searching for love in all the wrong places

Blindly without knowing why

Now, I know

I needed to be pleasing

So I could feel loved

I needed to be needed 

Because people’s needing me

Felt like love to me

Until it didn’t

And I was worn out

Drained of energy

Resenting my actions

Not their fault

I did it to myself

I even enjoyed myself

Much of the time

Before

One day, a mockingbird sang

Offering me a new tune

One that changed everything:

We are all wounded by early life

We develop false selves and

Perfect them throughout our lives

Until we face our beliefs and fears 

That we are not good enough

Smart enough, whatever is best

Enough

And only when we face and know

These beliefs and how and why we

Have them, can we let them go

Surrendering them to
Glistening Grace

For healing

Then, we can truly rest

In brilliant white

Sharing this light with the world