Birth Trauma

For nine months the baby had no idea 
What was happening as she grew and grew
Lulled and peaceful in her mother’s warm womb.
She knew Bliss without knowing its opposite.

Until…..

Sliding down through a dark, tiny tunnel,
Feeling the pressure of being squeezed
A punishing push,
Intended to be healthy,
Loving, exciting.

Like a thunderstorm, 

Natural phenomenon, 

Violent, remarkable

Just part of life.

All the baby knew at the time
Was pain, head and bones squashed through
That narrow canal, popping out from the 
Most special sliding board of her life.

Eyes closed, harsh pain
Bright lights and loud noises,
Machines, hard hands, 
She cannot breathe 
Doesn’t know what breathing is,
Sucking in her cheeks instinctively
Nothing comes inward.

Panic at birth by a baby, perhaps by
Many babies when they are born,
Launching into this human world
With loud vibrations, shrieking noises.
Losing their homes,
These babies feel tortured during 
Birth. And, these are called the
Normal births.

Immediately, this baby felt skin
Not her mother’s but a rough touch
The birthing doctor who wags
The baby around hoping to prompt her 
Breath to start with no results.

The baby felt like she was flying
In ice cold air not warm fluids, 
Out of control at the very outset
Still not breathing.

Baby doesn’t know death - only
Knows her life in the womb and
This is not it.  Instinctively sucking in, 
Still blocked by some barrier, 
Ah, that’s it, the mucus that protects us
Throughout our lives. The mucus,
Acting as a barrier from infections
Smoothing the way, but interfering
With Breath at Birth.

A gagging, startling sound
As a cold, clever utensil
Slides into the infant baby’s tiny mouth, 
Invading, violating, her first rape,
Sucking out the slippery source,

The Phlegm, the blocker of breath.

Baby wails wildly
Never to find that home again 
In this human world,

(But finding another home later on

 In another world, 
More glowing and peaceful than this).

The Breath of Life
The Breath of Death
The Breath of Fear
The Breath of Love
The Breath of Baby

Torture, unknown, unremembered
Not experienced in words, just by 
The Body, Visuals, Hearing,
Touch. Now engraved 
So deep inside Baby.

The unknown memories that haunt her
Every time she cannot breathe
Every time she is challenged to
Do something she does not choose 
To do. Traumatized and tragic
Right before her first breath.

Important information held inside forever, 
Unknown, unless something or someone
Splits her open and observes the experience, saying
"No wonder you have had such anxiety and fear, 
No wonder you shake and shudder 
In panic just like you did as a baby
Newly pushed out from your mother’s womb,"
Supposedly cherished.

No one mentions this horror
Of the natural birth process.
How does Baby feel?
Incredible, unexplainable
Terror throughout life
Frightened by a noise or 
By a touch or during uncertainty,
Mourning, grieving loss from day one,
That's how Baby feels.

Unadulterated and too often 

Unacknowledged Pure Grief.

No wonder this pandemic

Hosting a breathing virus
Scares us all to death.