The Crosses We Bear

Nailing hands to a cross
but only after nailing feet.
(It can be tricky to nail
Each hand with one already
Nailed, but can be managed).

Placing a unique crown
Of thorns on heads and
Not feeling at all righteous.
Instead, feeling stupid.

Why keep nailing hands?
Why keep crowning heads
Over and over again,
Blood dripping while
Spearing one's own side
With a steely sword?

Not messianic, not
Particularly martyr-ish
Except perhaps to oneself.
Martyring oneself for what?

Having been taught to
Take care of everyone else
Before ourselves, the training of
Southern, religiously trained women.

Having been taught to
Please men (or partners of
Any sort), friends and family,
Bosses and the Whole World.

Not that pleasing didn't have
Payoffs.  After all,
Bosses loved it, our friends and
Family treasured such people
Until they finally slid from being so 
Giving to becoming resentful.

If those crowns are thrown off,
Friends and family wander away
Leaving the past giver alone
In Hell. No benefit there.

The world often rewards those
Who sacrifice themselves.
 Some feel noble and respected for
Awhile, until they are not.

Until they begin to
Feel used by others,
While they continue to
Follow this pattern, hurting
Themselves, not knowing what
Else to do.

They can choose to keep
Pleasing, nailing one by
One, hands and feet,
Or they can jump down off
Their crosses before they crumble
And die, before they are placed
In a dark tomb where only
Miracles get them released.

The good news:
Everyone can explore, and not
Just wonder how we got
To be these ways, but also how
We can be true to ourselves.

We can change, suffer the
Consequences (if there are any,
And there usually are), and
Then feel better and better,
Healthier and healthier,
And realize we are not just
Being self-centered (although
We are, and we also were when we
Were giving ourselves away too).

People are egoistical creatures
Who, once we admit that,
Can begin consciously choosing
How to act and when not to act.
Preserving our energy for more
Than just wringing out every
Blood, sweat and tear we have.

Rejoicing along the way.