Diving Into My Wreck (Adapted from Adrienne Rich's "Diving into the Wreck")

Diving into my wreck, swimming deep down
Eyes open, slippery skin, breathing in water, 
Surviving, ecstatic and amazed,
I can breathe easily
In this vast, translucent darkness.

The Canadian goose, my female guide, whispers
Don’t crawl, don’t walk but dive, swim deeper
Flow through the water like a porpoise, a mermaid,
A slithering snake, swirling around in the abyss, 
Avoiding a return to the air, to the light,
To the people.

So dark down here but I see so clearly
Beauty while gliding, free feelings, 
Not lost or scared.
Floating back up seems the frightening part,
Filling me with dread.

This is a private sanctuary, safe,
Warm and cool, sweet and sour.
I see only animals, fish beings, plants.
Mud too, dark oozing mud, 
Red like blood, but refreshing, bright blood
Not reeking of illness and death
But of new life, as I am 
Born and born again.

Back and forth, sometimes being
Catapulted by an impulse, some urge
To enter the light of day and
All that comes with it:
Air, people, and all the messes we 
Make of our lives.
Up in the air, I sometimes long to
Dive back down knowing
I will find more peace and harmony
Than up top. 
I don't breathe as well up there.

Even though a shark, a dragon, 
Stinging nettles and a harsh man of war 
Slide by, I am encapsulated in a cocoon
Of love, of wistful patience and gentleness
(No inner critic here. She lives only above the 
Dark water, where she breathes
Thick, nasty, poisonous air that focuses
Her arrows of anger and irritation,
Stay away!)

Mother Earth, Mother Spirit, Divine Feminine,
I glide through your smelly waters
Enjoying the pulsing waves and undercurrents,
The storms and the quiet calm,
And everything in between.  You hold me,
You lift me up and I can float all day long
And into the night alone, unfettered by
Talk and thinking, worrying and longing.

Not here. Here I am safe and free to be
Me, myself and no other.
My father always said, “Just be yourself,
Just be Your Self.”

Now, I am dancing and singing,
Writing, reading and creating art, and
Thoroughly enjoying myself and my life.
Joyous. Peaceful. Real.